Tag Archive | kathy griffin

The Pap Smear.

THE IDEA BEHIND THE PAP SMEAR, USING IT AS HOME ENTERTAIMENT WAS NOT THAT OF KATHY GRIFFIN´S, IT WAS TAKEN FROM A SCREENPLAY.

In November 2007 I had registered a Screenplay called  WHAT MEN WANT AND WHAT WOMEN ARE PREPARED TO GIVE. It was only my second attempt at a Screenplay, but I wanted tell the story about sex in a marriage and the onset of menopause. The Screenplay was submitted from 2009 onwards to a number of Screenplay competitions.  However, I was always asked to rewrite the story this way and rewrite it that way, after which I decided to covert it to a book and changed the name to  BAGS & BITCHES. 

I believed that I was crap at screenplay writing, but seems like some parts of the story were of obvious value to others.

This is the extract from Chapter Seven Menopause and… 

      I look around the changing room while I remove  my T-shirt which is wet with perspiration in the armpit area. I use the toilet again to get rid of the last drop of urine before my examination.

     I leave the changing room and make my way down the passage trying to find my way to the examination room. I can make out a dimly lit room and the end of the passage. I feel a little hesitant as I enter, I see something moving in the corner, I´m relieved to see  it´s only the assistant setting up the equipment.  I look around the semi dark room taking in the decore; one hard bed with a green sheet, two stirrups, a TV monitor mountered on the wall above the bed.     

      I hesitantly climb on the  bed, the assistant indicates for me to rest my legs in the stirrups at the end of the bed.  I try to push the gown discreetly between my legs as I feel a little exposed baring my bare essentials with my legs stretched open to the limit,  and dangling freely from my knees down. The doctor pulls her chair closer, holding a long white thing resembling a cigar, she proceeds to prod me in all directions, the TV monitor clicks on,  I watch the black and white image above my head.

       “This must be an old model if it’s black and white.”  I continue my private conversation in my head.

      The doctor looks up at the screen. “Those are your ovaries.”  More prodding by the doctor. “Probably won’t have another menstrual period. You’re already in menopause.”

     I rest my right arm on my forehead, as I don´t want to know about this imminent menopause and because I´m not particularly interested in seeing my ovaries on TV.  I continue with my private conversation in my head wondering. “Is she talking to me or to my private parts? “

      After the examination I change back into my jeans and T-shirt.  I flop back in the chair in front of the doctor’s desk as she explains the next part of the  procedure.

     “Everything seems in order, however I will give you a letter for a mammogram for that lump you can feel in your left breast and the one you didn’t feel under your left armpit.”  She tears off the paper and hands it to me.  “I´ve called the centre and they have agreed to do it tomorrow, as soon as you have the results come back to my consulting rooms. You don´t have to make another appointment just give the results to the receptionist and I will have the final conclusion for you while you wait.”

                                                                                                                        * * * *

      Later the morning. Anne is waiting for me, anxious to hear what the doctor had to say.  She pats my  hand and gives it a little squeeze. “So was it all that bad, hey! ”  Anne asks.

     I give a big sigh. “I still can´t get used to a visit to the gynecologist.  It’s the first time I’ve had a woman gyne. This one got straight to the point, prod-ding me with that cigar looking thing and studying the TV monitor just above my head, saying ´those are your ovaries.´ I really don’t want to see my ovaries even if they were filmed in 3-D and in color.”

     Anne slaps her hand on the table. “Yeah! Next thing you know these doctors will have a whole film crew in there charging you extra for your own DVD and selling it as a new form of home entertainment.”

      “Well the gynecologist seems to think my lower part is in good working order, tomorrow I must have the top section put under the spotlight.”

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In and around about August 2011, I was surprised to see on the internet that Kahty Griffin had a pap smear as a television show. I have been haunted by the notion that the idea had come from my screenplay. It´s time Kahty Griffin and her team own up where they got the idea from.

Kathy Griffin got herself a television show from the story and a load of publicity. I got nothing for my creative idea. Instead I still have the lump in my breast and some days it is very painful. I know have resorted to selling products from Amazon on a free Website.

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